Marriage in Manggarai, Flores, Indonesia

Manggarai is a regency located in the west part of Flores. It consists of 3 big regencies. They are: West Manggarai regency, Manggarai, and East Manggarai.

Like many other places in Flores, Manggarai also plays much role on its animism on marriage. In which the relationship is culturally legalized by worship to the spirits with medium of chicken and buffalo and in addition as an impact of Catholicism, the couple has to be married in the church to receive an official document in council department.

The marriage system in Manggarai and Flores is mostly called as "marry in" and "marry out". "Marry in" is used in which husband has to give dowry to wife. As balance, the wife will move to her husband and takes care of her husband's families for lifetime and this marriage system is applied for the patrilineal system in which the parents give their heritage to sons only.

"marry out" is a system that is only applied for matrilineal system in which the heritage is given to daughter and wife is not living with her husband after marriage but she lives in her own families. in this marriage system, husband does not give dowry to wife. The only regency which does "marry out" is a small clan in Bajawa, central Flores.

Dowry

Dowry is very important aspect in legalizing the relationship between husband and wife. The dowry is in of form of money, chicken, pig, goat, horse, and buffalo. These dowries are symbols of seriousness, love, and more for monogamy. The husband will sacrifice whatever he has if she has found his truly love and he is ready to show his wife as he last longer and she is the one.

For wife who will be rewarded with dowries, these symbolize that wife has their integrity and equality. It is a fact that for woman who has big social strata and educational background will be rewarded with big amount of dowry as the feedback of what her parents have spent. Reversed, the woman who comes from small family background, she will be rewarded with a small amount of dowry but it does not change on its cultural steps.

Steps for Wedding Ceremony

There are several steps that the Manggaraian people have to do for marriage. They are as follows:

1. Engagement

It is a first part of the wedding where the man with his representatives go to meet the family of woman to let them know who the husband is. Man has to bring some amount of m0ney, horse/cow, ring, goat and chicken. In this step, the couple will change their rings in front of their families. The woman's family will inform the man how much dowry they have to bring at the wedding day to finalize their relationship and then when the wedding will be held. Normally it can be within the year or many years after engagement depending much on how much the man has prepared.

2. Wedding day

There are few things that involve in this part.

2.1 submitting dowry

In this step, man's family will invite all his parents' huge families to submit dowry based on the w0man's request. The man has to distribute to the member of families how much they submit. E.g if the woman asks 50 million then it must be divided to all of the members of family.

The more man has prepared it will help to the member to have no big burden.

The m0ney will be submitted commonly 2 or 3 days before wedding day which takes place in man or husband's house.

2.2 wedding

After the dowry has been submitted, the families of man are going to woman's family to report the dowry and finalize the relationship culturally. Next day, to legalize the relationship, the couple will go to church. After church there will be a reception where all relatives, families, and friends are enjoying the party which is in cultural and modern way.

2.3 Take away

This the step which takes place after the wedding in which the bride will be taken away to her husband's family for a lifetime. When arriving at husband's house, the woman will break the egg putting right by the door as the symbol of reborn. And then there will be a scarification of chicken in which the blood is used to clean the woman from any genetic sicknesses and she will be a part of the family. It's the last step that the family has to fulfil.

Special wedding gift

People who attend wedding party in Flores or Manggarai bring their envelope with money inside as their common gift to the marriage couple. Some people also bring some family furniture as the gift.

Last year in August 2017, I invited my clients, Iris and her husband from Barcelona, Spain to my friend’s wedding. I thought that it was worth to do after doing a long trip to Waerebo.

Iris, Guillem, I, the couple, and the family

in Manggaraian wedding

What a reaction! The couple was very very surprised. They said that it was an incredible gift because they were given a chance to see much closer with tourists. The couple expected that their baby will be very good looking like these Spanish guys. 

Iris who attended the wedding said that it was such an unforgettable experience to attend the wedding party in Manggarai. The people are very welcome and friendly. She was very happy because she and her husband could have followed the party till the end. “having meals in one house together with all the family was very touching, the people were very nice, they live simple but rich in love to share, Iris added. In the night, before Iris and her husband got back to hotel, they were given some bottles of Arak to drink together as a symbol of keeping in touch forever. And Iris and her husband also did the same to thank the people for their great hospitality and promised them to come back. Moreover, Iris made a video call with her dad to tell them that she is fine and has got new family. She and her family promised to see Manggaraian family in 2 years.